On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
