that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Randomize
