I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize