You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
