Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
we're making bets on your personal life
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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