I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
