dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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