I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
