After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
