Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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