My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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