look no pants
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
