as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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