It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize