so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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