Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
