I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
