She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
