I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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