The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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