There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
