it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
