Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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