toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
It's not a walk of shame if you run
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
