Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
