Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
