Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize