I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
