have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
