i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
