New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
