DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
