I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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