Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
