he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
My legs feel like baby dolphins
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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