Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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