Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
