You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
