I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
