i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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