We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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