I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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