oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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