I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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