everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
