I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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