next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
