thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
