did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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