he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
It's just like the Real World with babies
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
