I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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