On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
