Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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