look no pants
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
