if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
