wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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