There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Welp...herpes.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
