So drunk its hurt
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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