im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
