so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
