i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
being pregnant is like rehab
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
A bitchslap is in order.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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