Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
