Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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