Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
