I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
