I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
