Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i was born a porn star she said
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
