You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
