Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
