so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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