Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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