how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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