I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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