I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
