1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
