So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Randomize
