that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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