he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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