I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
