I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
