you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He called his prostate his "boner button".
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize