So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
