Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i dont even know how to be here
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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