bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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