dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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