Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
