you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
