24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
