I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Randomize