I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
