White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
