her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
