I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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