Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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