We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
