the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
