farters have to be the big spoon...
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
