sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
