why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
