tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
