Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
