i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I want to fling myself into the sun
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
