If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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