So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
