At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I want a musical about memes.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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