He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
