i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I lost the right to judge tonight
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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