apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
you win again, gameday.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
