I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
