the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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