Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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